“The Very Last Time I Will Ever Have Sex With A Tree” is out on Stupefying Stories (link below). Thanks out to Bruce for the edits. Anyone who makes me look smarter than I am deserves a medal.
The title popped into my head during my commute, and I wondered what I could do with that. Of course it involves magical creatures and human suffering. Of course it does.
I will bitterly disappointed if no puns or other such low japes appear in the comments section.